Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Return of the not-so-crazy-anymore woman

Wow... I think I totally missed out on the whole concept of blogging. It's supposed to be something done on a relatively consistent basis. It's not that I haven't had anything to say... it's just that with everything that's been going on in my life, I haven't had time to blog anything...

Life has been an interesting whirlwind - a major loss of a loved one, another major loss of a loved one but in a totally different sense, job hunting, trying to keep on track with my quest to become a published author of children's books, trying to maintain some semblance of stability for my children in all the change, dealing with a possible health scare, legal tribulations... all within the past 5 months.

I wonder how I would have coped or dealt with all of this if it weren't for the amazing promise of my Lord and Savior. I am thankful everyday for the blessings that are in my life and even learning to appreciate the difficulties as times of refining and growth. I am crying less and rejoicing more. I am finding calm and peace amidst the storms.

It's about decisions, isn't it? We choose to either "sink or swim". I have 3 children who still love me and depend on me in varying degrees - this is a time where sinking is NOT an option. It's easy to wallow in self-pity - and to seek out sympathy from those around me. But I don't need sympathy now. I appreciate it, but I don't need it. I need prayerful support. I truly believe that while people have free will to choose and that God doesn't orchestrate the disasters that befall us in life, that He does remain faithful and is there to filter the pain through His love when we turn to Him and acknowledge our need. It's not some magic formula: "if I pray this then that will happen."


It doesn't mean that there won't be times of anguish or anger or sadness or even despair - but they won't last very long when you realize who you are anchored on. The ROCK. The FORTRESS. The God who created everything and who keeps the firmament in place is MY Abba Father. He has promised to sustain me and to uplift me.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

and Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)
He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

and Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)
But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
(*Funny enough that I posted this in front of my treadmill. How a propos!)

While some people often quote Nietzsche's "Whatever doesn't destroy me makes me stronger" I prefer a more comprehensive tenet:

1 Peter 1: 6-7 (NIV)
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

This is what sustains me... that it is all for Christ's praise, glory and honor which I will share in when He is revealed. Amen.