Return of the not-so-crazy-anymore woman

Wow... I think I totally missed out on the whole concept of blogging. It's supposed to be something done on a relatively consistent basis. It's not that I haven't had anything to say... it's just that with everything that's been going on in my life, I haven't had time to blog anything...

Life has been an interesting whirlwind - a major loss of a loved one, another major loss of a loved one but in a totally different sense, job hunting, trying to keep on track with my quest to become a published author of children's books, trying to maintain some semblance of stability for my children in all the change, dealing with a possible health scare, legal tribulations... all within the past 5 months.

I wonder how I would have coped or dealt with all of this if it weren't for the amazing promise of my Lord and Savior. I am thankful everyday for the blessings that are in my life and even learning to appreciate the difficulties as times of refining and growth. I am crying less and rejoicing more. I am finding calm and peace amidst the storms.

It's about decisions, isn't it? We choose to either "sink or swim". I have 3 children who still love me and depend on me in varying degrees - this is a time where sinking is NOT an option. It's easy to wallow in self-pity - and to seek out sympathy from those around me. But I don't need sympathy now. I appreciate it, but I don't need it. I need prayerful support. I truly believe that while people have free will to choose and that God doesn't orchestrate the disasters that befall us in life, that He does remain faithful and is there to filter the pain through His love when we turn to Him and acknowledge our need. It's not some magic formula: "if I pray this then that will happen."

It doesn't mean that there won't be times of anguish or anger or sadness or even despair - but they won't last very long when you realize who you are anchored on. The ROCK. The FORTRESS. The God who created everything and who keeps the firmament in place is MY Abba Father. He has promised to sustain me and to uplift me.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

and Isaiah 40:11 (NIV)
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

and Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)
But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
(*Funny enough that I posted this in front of my treadmill. How a propos!)

While some people often quote Nietzsche's "Whatever doesn't destroy me makes me stronger" I prefer a more comprehensive tenet:

1 Peter 1: 6-7 (NIV)
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

This is what sustains me... that it is all for Christ's praise, glory and honor which I will share in when He is revealed. Amen.

In Remembrance...

On Saturday, October 8, 2005, my 92 year old father went to rest and rejoice in full consciousness of our Lord - free from his ailing body and all the trials that come with it. We rejoice, though saddened by our loss and missing his wonderful presence, that we will see him again "in the by and by." He embodied the gentleness of spirit and committed, true and giving love that our God asked of him...

WE WILL REMEMBER YOU...
© October 2005

Eleanor Sayson Lethbridge

Your love, unconditional and vast
Spanned generations: future, present and past
Agapé love, steadfast, committed, true
Your LOVE is how we will remember you.

Your joy, strong and in the Lord
Filled with warmth and sprouting from His Word
Smiles and happy memories come through
Your JOY is how we will remember you.

Your peace, born from your strong faith
Evident in how you had such grace
No hectic, frantic actions or to-do
Your PEACE is how we will remember you.

Your patience, a trademark that you held
You waited on God’s guidance in this world
Though trials and tests often came into view
Your PATIENCE is how we will remember you.

Your kindness poured forth in so many ways
Thoughtfulness and charity filled your many days
You shared your blessings without much ado
Your KINDNESS is how we will remember you.

Your goodness, sprouting from your righteous walk
Reflected in your actions and your talk
You sought the Master’s will in what you’d do
Your GOODNESS is how we will remember you.

Your faithfulness to God was paramount
Obedience to Him you never would discount
You said fervent prayers for everyone you knew
Your FAITHFULNESS is how we will remember you.

Your gentleness, a hallmark of your life
So many times you soothed away the strife
You didn’t curse, debase, deride, or argue
Your GENTLENESS is how we will remember you.

Your self-control we always did admire
Through testing times and through Refiner’s Fire
Selfish wants and desires you did eschew
Your SELF-CONTROL is how we will remember you.

These precious fruit that blossomed in your life
You’ve left to all your offspring and your wife
To hold as memories and standards too,
That we shall share as we remember you.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
~Galatians 5:22-23

I miss you, Daddy - and thank you for a wonderful life.

Interesting Words

The opposite of MISOGYNIST (someone who hates women) is supposedly MISANDRIST (someone who hates men). This is not to be confused with the word MISANTHROPE which would be someone who hates manKIND - i.e., regardless of gender, anyone who is HUMAN would be despised by a misanthrope.

Strangely enough I couldn't find MISANDRIST on the Merriam-Webster dictionary site... uhless I was willing to sign up for the UNABRIDGED version (for $$).
To quote, when I type in misandrist or misandry at www.merriam.com, this message pops up:

misandrist is one of more than 1,000,000 entries available at
Merriam-WebsterUnabridged.com

Maybe the editors at www.merriam.com figure you should have to pay to hate men but hating women (and therefore knowing what to call yourself) is free of charge.

School's Back in Session - YAY for me

Well, technically, the little darlings returned to the classroom realm on Tuesday, Sept 6... Of course, THAT day is not really about school... it's about meeting up with friends, showing off new clothes or backpacks or whatever technology they've been spoiled with. Spootie is in HIGHSCHOOL. Thankfully, she seems to be adjusting okay and they highschool has a program where the Grade 8's have at least one person they know from their elementary days who has the exact same class schedule. Funny enough, the one person that Spootie had with a mirrored timetable is a girl who told her over the Summer that she didn't like her and not for any particular reason other than they were too different. As soon as they found out they had matching timetables, they both apologized at the same time for being "hormonal" (I think the word they used was "biznatchy"). We shall see how that works out. Spootie also has been going to this highschool for 3 years of band - the elementary bands are all under this highschool's band umbrella. So, she kind of knows her way around some of the school and is familiar with the two music teachers.
Sk8rboi is in Grade 7 and has a good teacher. She taught Ookpik for Grade 7 six years ago and still remembers him (some things/people you just can't forget, no matter how hard you try). Thankfully, he was a good student. Hopefully, Sk8rboi will try his best and not get on her bad side (which DOES exist). He has promised to really try to make the most of his last year of elementary school. I had to threaten to take his skateboard before he'd agree to a haircut. Managed to have the barber tidy up the shape of his "skater" mop and actually get his bangs short enough to see his eyes. Of course, he hates it. Spootie didn't help the situation by snickering that he looks like Willy Wonka (not true of course, but an effective barb in this case).
Ookpik has started his college courses. He's still living here, but he's pretty much an independent entity. His only requirements are to stay in school full time, to continue to help out once in a while and to do his own laundry.
So, here's to another year of learning... for all of us.

It's ALIVE!!!!!

This is amazingly the first time I've posted since the end of April. I had started this blog as a venue for my maternal rants and ravings so that I wouldn't succumb to the temptation to run away from home or to blow up at some unsuspecting woman in the supermarket who beat me to the last package of on-sale popsicles.

It isn't that there haven't been a lot of moments to write about... in fact, there have been so many moments that I've been short on time in between them to rant here. Actually, it wouldn't have been ALL ranting. There have been some pretty special moments too. I'll write about them later.

All Grown Up...

Ookpik graduates this year... I think I'm gonna cry. I can't believe it's here. I've missed the past 2 years of his life, it seems. He's been very independent and non-communicative...

Spring...

It's Spring... and that brings to mind blooms and blossoms, growth and gardening. I've been thinking about the growth and blooming that has been going on in my life - the fact that I'm trying to allow my creativity to blossom, encouraging growth and productivity. But then I realized something: there are some very destructive weeds and garden pests that need to be dealt with in order for me to truly grow. There are things in my life that have choked off my little seedlings time and time again. I need to deal with these things. Weed them out. Compost the heck out of them.