SMART

Today I am supposed to start being SMART. That is, redefining my goal setting so that it is SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Result-oriented, Time Bound....

e.g., Today (Time-bound), I will consume 2 (Measurable) bagels with cream cheese and jalapeno jelly (Specific), 1 bowl (Measurable) of noodles with spicy scallops (Specific), and 1.5 scoops (Measurable) of Tiramisu Gelato from Mario's Gelato (Specific). These goals are all achievable because I've got all the required ingredients in my house. The Result-oriented part is that I'll have satisfied my carbohydrate craving thereby bringing myself closer to my "happy place".

Actually I don't have a problem with setting goals... I have a problem with fulfilling them. I am so good at goal setting and "TO DO" List-ing that I suddenly find myself overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I said I'd get done. Not to mention all the stuff that doesn't make the list because they're a daily given.

I need help. My Cohort (hubby) has reminded me that part of my self-derision and despair comes from thinking I'm a failure and that stems from looking at the lists of things I said I needed to accomplish and of course only managing to complete 5% of the tasks I listed. I mean, when I was making the list, it didn't look like it should be unachievable. Just three things to do... that's all... And it's not like I was being unreasonable or overly ambitious. I didn't have on my list (1) Write the next great Canadian novel or (2) find the cure for cancer or (3) make my house look like Martha Stewart lives here. My list looks something like this:
1. Research Canadian geographical points of interest and make a list of 5 geographical highlights for each of the provinces and territories.
2. Write 2 query letters to children's magazines/publications
3. Complete color illustration of Mrs. Calabash (main character in my picture book)

These items have been on my Task list for 3 weeks now. It's not looking good. I don't mean to procrastinate, but it seems that I get distracted. I read something on the web and then hit a link and then another and then... well they don't call it the WEB for nothing!

I'm going to stop blogging now so that I can start on at least one of my goals - but first I have to have my first bagel with creamcheese and jalapeno jelly.

TWP Creative Theme 01-24-05 - CLASSY

I was totally blank on this one the whole week - but since it's already Thursday close to midnite, I thought I'd better make an attempt...

Blaire McNair believes she's classy
But lots of folks just think she's trashy
She's bleached her hair and teased it high
And wears her skirts above mid-thigh
She dons high heels to do the yard
And frankly she just tries too hard
With fake eyelashes and blue eyeliner
She thinks that she could not look finer
She loves hoop earrings and plastic bangles
And when she moves, well, it all jangles
Her cheeks are painted bright pink rose
Her lips are glossed and she loves to pose
She chews her gum like it was cud
And paints her nails the color of blood
She'll wave at all the men and boys
And they hoot and holler and make a rude noise
But there is something that I've heard:
Blair never gossips or hurts with words
She doesn't judge or put on airs
She's helpful, kind and always fair
She smiles at folks who need it most
She doesn't ever brag or boast
She's honest as the day is long
And says she's sorry when she's wrong
Whether you're broke or have a fancy name
She treats each person just the same
So those who think that Blaire's just trashy
Best think again: she's really classy.

©2005 Eleanor Lethbridge
**sorry about the elementary rhyme scheme - this just came off the top of my head**

TWP Creative Theme - GREEN

I have joined The Writing Parent site. (http://www.thewritingparent.com) Every week they post a Creative Theme to help you get those creative juices flowing. Since I'm trying to manifest some sort of writing career, I enjoy these "inspiration" topics. This week's topic is GREEN.

GREEN
Life
That element that creates essential air

Growth
Buds pushing against the white of winter's sleep

Progress
Moving forward past red emotions into better places

Beginner
The awkward fledgeling struggling for knowledge

Wealth
The color of money can taint what is really valuable.

Envy
Jealous eyes distort the truth, destroy the soul.

GREEN

FAQ's - Frequently Asked Questions

I have some FAQs - but I don't have any answers for them. Otherwise, the acronym would be FAQ&A, wouldn't it? And you know why they are asked so frequently? Because as far as I know, nobody has answered them satisfactorily yet! By the way, if anyone has any SATISFACTORY answers for any of these, please let me know so I can put them on the FAQ&A list.

Frequently Asked Questions (without Answers):

1. Why is it that all summer long, you can't find a single one of the 20 pairs of sunglasses you've purchased over the past 2 years, or a single one of the 10 bottles of sunblock SPF45 but you find out where all the winter gloves are... and then in the Winter, you can't find a complete pair of mittens/gloves and every single toque or scarf that you find has been dragged through the mud LAST Winter and never washed?? (But I'll bet you find all the sunblock.)
2. Has a dog ever really eaten someone's homework (we will disqualify all homework for Home Economics, Food Art, and Nutrition courses)?
3. Should someone be considered ethical and honest in their professional life if they can't be ethical or honest in their personal life? I mean, shouldn't their personal life mean MORE than their jobs??? How can someone expect you to believe that they can do their jobs ethically and honestly if they are ethically and morally bankrupt and integrity-challenged when it comes to personal choices and decisions?
4. Why do people ask you "How are you" when they have no intention of hearing the true answer? Wouldn't it be better, if you didn't have the time to hear someone's potential lament to this question, that you just say "Hi. Hope you're well. Can't chat now. Gotta run."?
5. Why do dustbunnies collect under the couch? I have a hardwood floor and for some reason, every speck of dust and mote of thread and fluff from any other area of the universe converges under my couch. I don't ever see it converge anywhere else but under the couch.... and maybe under the bed... and well, under the fridge too... and the stove. Okay, never mind this question.
6. Why do the menstrual cycles of female co-habitants synchronize? Apparently if women live together for a while, their ovaries decide to produce at the same time after a while... why? To magnify the torture of any males in the house or to spare the males a non-synchronized but rather drawn out PMS event -- you know, Mom PMSing on Weeks 1 and 2 and Teenage daughter PMSing for the remainder of the month?
7. Do cats KNOW when they tick people off? I think they do... and not just when you throw something at them. I think they know WHAT ticks people off and they time it perfectly.
8. How did blondes come to be portrayed as "ditzy"? I mean, if the ratio of dumbness to blonde hair is higher than with any other hair color, I could understand the stereotyping, but then I'd have to ask the FAQ WHY are blondes dumber?

Children of the Corn Part 3 - Sk8rboi

Holy Toledo! Where did November go???? For that matter, what happened to December too?? And almost half of January?!?!?!?!?

The 3rd Subversive has always been subject to some sort of delay... possibly because he was the fastest birth of the 3 and I make him wait on everything now.

1. Sk8rboi (or J-man) is 11 years old and in the 6th Grade. His passion has always involved wheels. When he was little - not that he was ever truly little having been 10 lbs. at birth - his favorite toys were cars. He was vehicularly obsessed. A collection of hudreds of Hotwheels and Matchbox cars exists in my house... it may have been close to thousands if I hadn't made him get rid of some of the duplicates or if he hadn't discovered that creating his own finger-sized demolition derby is a source of great amusement. Now that he's a pre-teen though, he's moved on to SKATEBOARDS. It's a much more thrilling, physically challenging, and financially draining endeavor than toy cars ever was and he's surprising me with the initiative he has shown in researching all the latest and greatest. I do have one question: how is it that skater clothing with all the trendy logos is so ridiculously expensive and the skaters still dress like they dragged their clothes out of the bottom of a dumpster??? What's with the pants hanging down so low that they defy gravity? They wear these huge chunky looking skate shoes, all with laces that are NOT ever meant to be tied - again, defying the laws of physics and staying on their feet even while they jump their boards doing all sorts of physically threatening stunts??? Frankly, I feel old and totally out of touch.
2. While he's not a super academic he often shows signs of brilliance and the Sylvan assessment said that his vocabulary is that of a 16 year old (hopefully not a 16-year old on pot). He sees no reason for math facts or learning about the geography and government of another country (come to think of it, even his OWN country) since in his opinion, nothing they teach in elementary school has any relevance to doing a 50/50 grind or an Ollie or any other skateboard thing. He's capable, but according to the teacher, he doesn't give himself enough credit and second guesses himself. He also needs to work on his focus. Sigh. I think that because he feels he's not as smart as Ookpik or Spootie, "what's the point?" I don't think that's true, of course. He took Tae Kwan Do until he was a blue belt to work on his self-esteem and confidence... it's helped a bit, but not enough.
3. We thought he was extremely shy and introverted. The child didn't say a word to his grandfather until he was 4 years old! However, he has surprised us yet again: he is an absolute CLOWN and loves to make comical, strange mini-movies of things using the video capture mode on my digital camera. He strings together a series of one minute segments into some odd and often rather funny movies. He makes very funny faces and loves prat falling to make his friends laugh. Thankfully he doesn't clown around in class (I checked with his teachers) but I see strong evidence that Sk8rboi views life as one big, over-the-top Jim Carrey à la Ace Ventura movie! In fact, many of J-man's friends have declared that he reminds them of Mr. Carrey... especially with the odd facial expressions he makes to accentuate his clown behavior.
4. Speaking of Jim Carrey, he was the character Enigma (aka the Riddler) in a Batman movie and Sk8rboi is somewhat of an enigma himself. While he is a rough-and-ready, let's go 4x4, can I shoot a rifle, get-his-hands dirty kind of kid, he is also the most sensitive of the 3 Subversives. He is sensitive to when others are hurting. He is always the first one to come and give me a hug when I'm ticked off or unhappy. He hates getting into fights and while there has only been one instance when someone tried to fight him, he came home and fought back the tears as he told me he hates fighting. He is big for his age and is no wimp and he still remembers many of his tae-kwan-do moves, but he absolutely detests it when people get upset and fight and even more so when they try to get him to fight. I don't find it a weakness - I find it to be strength of character that he is able to walk away and not engage. (Now, if only this was the case in how he deals with his sister Spootie... THAT's another enigma.)

Sk8rboi will probably end up being an awesome mechanic or involved in law enforcement. For now though, he is considering a "career" in skateboarding - like Hawk and Mullen. I'm going to try and steer him clear of that - it's a mother's perogative!

You have now officially been introduced to my 3 children. They are often the source of my screams and my craziness, but honestly, I wouldn't trade them for anything because they are also the source of my greatest joys, my most heart-felt moments, and definitely the source of a lot of material for my attempts at becoming an author.

Children of the Corn Part 2 - Spootie

Sometimes, the most frightening of the Subversives is the middle child - the only other holder of estrogen in our house. Spootie is 12 - but she reminds me frequently that she's almost 13 - and wanting to be 16 so she can drive. I mention to her that she is already driving - she is driving me nuts! Talk about hormonal imbalances as she approaches "the curse". I thought *I* was a case during pregnancy - you know, crying at Hallmark commercials and laughing hysterically at America's Funniest Home Videos, none of which really merit hysterical laughter.

1. Spootie actually is very artistic and, like many girls her age, LOVES animals. That is, she loves animals until she realizes how much care is involved. We have had in "her" care a few hamsters (all dead now), a guinea pig (dead), a fish (amazingly not dead), a couple of dogs (one dead, one relocated), and a foster-cat (I refused to have a permanent cat). The novelty wears off and then the poop scooping, cage cleaning, feeding, exercising and other such responsibilities leave her realm and enter mine.
2. She has a wonderful imagination and a rather "mature" sense of humor - she likes Monty Python. She can also sling some pretty nasty verbal barbs at Ookpik, her Sarcasm Mentor. (And I fervently deny ever having taught HIM how to be sarcastic.)
3. While she is an above-average student she doesn't like to study or do math. If she had a little more drive and a lot more energy to actually work on a project beyond the last minute, she'd be exceptional. Her favorite subjects seem to be Language Arts and Info Tech(computers)... but only if you don't let her count Recess and Lunch.
4. She is definitely a social butterfly and has proven ability in multi-tasking: she can do homework, talk on the phone, and MSN at least 3 different people all at the same time.
5. Spootie is pushing for the right to wear makeup already. I am constantly faced with her pleas to be allowed to wear eye liner or eye shadow. I think not. And this isn't about "play" makeup either like I begged for when I was a kid her age. This is the result of the marketing assault on our young daughters by the people who brought you Britney, Christina, and Beyonce. (But THAT is another rant for another day.)

So, that is Subversive #2... I am sure there will be more entries here about Spootie at a later date.
Later, the next installment: Children of the Corn Part 3 - Sk8rBoi

Children of the Corn Part 1 - Ookpik

You know that movie where the freaky blonde kids come out of the corn patch possessed by some dark unseen force and determined to murder all the grown ups? Well, my children, while neither zombified or with glow-in-the-dark eyeballs, are still sometimes just as frightening. I refer to them affectionately as my Subversives.

Let me introduce an old-souled individual who, at 17 going on 18, bewilders me with his behavior that fluctuates between mature and maniacal. We will call him Ookpik because if I reveal his true identity he will never forgive me and I sooooo want to be invited to his graduation and maybe even his wedding. He is, if a mother can brag, a pretty awesome kid.

1. He does well in school (well, compared to most people) and is very involved with different character-building organizations and activities. Although I think he's going to eventually drop a couple of them as school and the grades he has to get are starting to take their toll.
2. He doesn't do drugs (according to him, he doesn't need to because he already acts like his brain is fried).
3. He has decided, (so he vows to me) to not indulge in promiscuous sexual activity. In fact, I'm telling myself over and over again that there is NO sexual activity at all. Call it what you will, just don't call it DENIAL. Don't get me wrong - he's an attractive lad - apparently attractive to both genders. He's been hit on by both!
4. He's what is sometimes referred to as "metrosexual" [n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.]. In his case, not so much time and money spent on his appearance and lifestyle but only because there isn't much of either. But he can cook, sew, do his own laundry, IRON!, polish shoes, tell a decent joke, converse intelligently with adults and geriatrics, relate well to small children who find him amusing and sympathetic... I guess he's something of a "Renaissance Teen"...

This is the child who shouldn't have been. I was unknowingly pregnant (long story) and trying to get a divorce from an abusive husband. I went horseback riding to clear my head and due to substandard care by the folks at the horse rental facility, I ended up with an improperly bridled psycho-steed and was thrown onto some rocks, sustaining a compound fracture to my right femur and feeling like that would be the end of my 26 years of existence. Obviously, it wasn't. I was found, taken to hospital, and subjected to about 20 X-rays (having answered the question "Are you pregnant?" with a definitive "No way."). Then I underwent 6 hours of surgery under general anesthetic to repair the broken femur. According to my brother who came to the emergency room, I looked pretty bad - bruises all over my arms and a puncture to my lower right abdomen from landing on the rocks. Anyway, after 6 wks in the hospital - all the while complaining that hospitals nauseated me because I felt, well, NAUSEOUS every morning (DUH) - I went to see my GP. Well, the rabbit died and turns out I was almost 20 wks pregnant. The GP suggested I abort the baby. She said that with everything that had happened, the baby had a 99% chance of suffering from some abnormality such as deafness, mental retardation, physical malformations... I thought about it and decided that if God had let this baby live and stay attached to the umbilicus, that I was NOT going to change that plan. Personal choice.

Well, he's fine. In fact, he's more than fine. He's been deemed "gifted" (although he denies it frequently) and we do not notice any major physical or mental problems (yet).

I eventually did get the divorce just over a year after Ookpik let out his first holler and the ex signed away his parental rights to the child (or so I thought - see RANT below) because he didn't want to pay the court-designated child maintenanc. So he decided he didn't want to have anything more to do with me or Ookpik. Ookpik and I changed our names back to my maiden name and never looked back.

Now, as for the parental rights bit, I have recently been informed by the Ministry of Vital Stats that in order for me to legally change Ookpik's name to the one he's used for the past 14 years since I married my permanent spouse - the only man who has functioned as and who he recognizes as DAD - I am obligated to get in touch with the ex and ask him to give me his consent! I explained to the paper pushing waiting-for-my-pension bureaucrat that the ex hasn't paid a dime in all these years, hasn't shown an interest in or seen Ookpik in more than 13 years and I could not understand WHY the insisted that I have to ask for his permission! I'm fighting to have them waive their requirement - especially since they've already processed the $140+ fee. But you all know what it's like to fight the Bureaucracy.

Later, the next installment: Children of the Corn Part 2 - Spootie

Fall - SOGGY EVERYTHING

... and cold to boot. The Lower Mainland can be so beautiful, but honestly the rain and the damp make for dismal days. I enjoy the Autumn season - the change of temperature, the beauty of the leaves in an array of color, the geese flying to warmer climes, the kids being back at school and not lounging around the house. I think I like Fall fashions best too. Crisp Fall days allow you to wear a really nice warm sweater without having to try and squeeze into a heavy coat that has too-tight armholes that prevent you from being able to brush your hair out of your face because you can't raise your arms.

Let the Madness Begin...

And so I scream... Currently, I scream silently because it bothers less people. And I don't like to bother people... not intentionally. I can be such a wimp. Some people SHOULD be bothered... other people ARE a bother... most people bother me.

Have you ever wanted to stand in a public square and just holler? Primally, gutterally, ear-piercingly, mind-numbingly, scream-'til-your-throat-hurts, eye-bugging, animal-frightening scream. I can't say that I've ever wanted to... only because I'm afraid I won't be able to stop unless I'm arrested, or tackled to the ground and put in a straightjacket, or my head explodes (and that's a real bummer of a side-effect). But, Lord knows, I HAVE indeed wanted to scream.

I would like to be one of those perpetually calm and serene people. Although I suspect most of them scream silently or at least into pillows when nobody is looking.

What is screaming? It's a release. It's a vent to keep the volcano from erupting and washing over everything with hot lava. It's Old Faithful for the emotionally hot-and-bothered. I may not always scream here, but if I do, I'll make sure you hear it... but only if you want to. (Wimp!)