Time

Funny how it just gets away from you... slips through your fingers as you hold a cup of coffee and stare out the window. I'm not sure why I have lapsed into being such a time-waster. It's a really annoying thing. I have a list of stuff I have every good intention of completing. I try to have realistic goal-setting... but then I think I suffer from chronic daydreaming... or "distractionitis futilitis."

My father is coming up on his 93rd year... the last 10 months have seen him go through a noticeable decline in his health. My mom is trying so hard to do everything to make him comfortable and to rally his spirits. She is tired too now. I think I'm afraid that he's going to leave us to be with the Lord before I can get this done... I know I'm not doing it for HIM, but he's definitely a part of this. I want to let him know that I tried.

Time... I don't want to live in a pressure-cooker of time... I have always disliked the confines of schedules and the discipline required to keep them. Not that I can't do it, but I've never liked it much. In flashes of maturity, I'll realize that it's essential to discipline myself and my children and to recognize the benefits of efficiency and good time management. I like to think that I'm even pretty good at organization and planning... I was certainly quite capable of it at work. Maybe I'm one of those people that needs to be kept on a leash of some sorts - some disciplinary parameters with dire and harsh and horrible consequences. This is a confession of sorts... I'd get rid of every clock in my life if I could. Of course, that wouldn't work since I need to actually complete things by deadlines. Sigh.